Massive Hollywood Celebrity Film Star Type-Person Mark ‘The Wahlberg’ Wahlberg has touched down at the Top Gear test track. In a helicopter. An actual helicopter. How Hollywood is that?
The Wahlberg looks hungry: he was straight out of the chopper and into our Reasonably Priced Car for a few sighting laps with The Stig and, despite him being an American and the Chevy being right-hand drive and ’stick’, he’s giving it the full enchilada. That’s an American expression.
Anyhow, there’s none of your turn-up-and-take-the-cash film star apathy from The Wahlberg (not least because the only thing he’s taking away from the studio today is a packet of Ready Salted Walkers and two digestive biscuits). He’s out for a quick lap.
The Mole hasn’t managed to sneak a look at the stopwatch, but judging by the kicking the Lacetti is getting, we’re thinking it’s not slow.
The Wahlberg’s appearance on just the third episode of the new series does present a bit of a problem, though: where do we go from here? There’s not much room for improvement. Jesus? Shakespeare? Dean Gaffney… ?
Jonathon Ross next! He’ll get murdered during the interview.
I’d like a go. Though it’ll be a very short interview. Something like this:
“So, erm… *checks sheet* ‘Ash’, tell us about your car history.”
“Well er, I have a 206 – my first and current car, and i’ve got a 924 Turbo with the engine from the Le Mans 944 GTP/R from the 1980s. But it’s not running yet.”
“No alfas?”
“No.”
“Not a petrolhead then.”
Hey, everyone wants their 15 minutes of fame y’know.
Robin Williams is in the UK atm, would make a good guest if you can get him.
gordon brown…….
Jesus being ascended to heaven is unavailable. Although on his return and when you’re before the judgement seat you may want to try asking him then. Although I wouldn’t have thought they had television where the blasphemers end up.
karl pilkington. do they have a racing helmet round enough though?
I fully agree with Tang there! It’s just unnecessary to blaspheme like that!
Andy Wilman…
Now that would be rather epic!
these people many of the ****** you people say are quite bloody bleedy boring.
kamil
HOW ABOUT THE ENGLAND CRICKET TEAM??? AFTER THEY HAVE LOST TO INDIA IN THE UPCOMING SERIES.
The Queen.
Is it bad that I had to use google to find out who Mark Wahlberg is?
When is Lewis going to do the dry lap that was suggested last time he was on?
Snoop Dogg, Jay-Z, Method Man and Redman
what about some south african rugby players
McFly, after their stint for Children In Need? You’d then meet four lads with a worse sense of direction than James May.
hmmm, what guest could follow Mark Wahlberg? Matt Damon probably because i can never tell the difference between them. Either way it’d have to be somebody famous. I wonder if Satan would be interested?
hahaha nice try guys. the expression is “the whole enchilada” and it wasn’t even used correctly.
its used in reference to something that exemplifies its genre.
EX: if the enzo is the best ferrari, then the enzo is the whole enchilada.
The fifth gear team, so they can experience a real car programme, Tiff you have been warned!
The Obama?
So sad that Paul Newman is dead… he was a true petrolhead, I would have loved to watch that interview…
Although the absolut best in the world would be MICHAEL SCHUMACHER… is he faster than the stig? than Hamilton? Than Wakeman?
Please, Please Mr Wilman get Schumi on top gear!
Who the **** is Mark ‘The Wahlberg’ Wahlberg?
I don’t think i’m the only person who has never heard of Mark Wahlberg before… Am I?
u are wierd
Rowan Atkinson! I’d love to see him on TopGear. He has passion for cars.
Other person that I’d like to see would be Jason Statham. Great actor in my opinion.
Can’t wait to see Mark Wahlberg, love his movies.
David and Victoria Beckham… Ali G virtually trashed them on red nose day! maybe jezza will make david actually SPEAK!.
I’d like to see Jeremy, Hammond, james and the stig to try it. Then we’d find out whether the stars are better than Jezza richard and captain slow…..i know the outcome for the stig though!
B.T.W try the new clarkson DVD – Amazingly good and funny!
Schumacher would be EPIC!
They should get Francis Rossi & Rick Parfitt from Status Quo on – they’ve got a single out before christmas, so they could plug it, and Rick could see if he could beat his time in the Suzuki. In interviews they can be very funny indeed, and they are also very talented musicians – best band I’ve ever heard.
1. The Queen
2. The Queen’s maid
3. The Prime Minister
Pick and choose.
I like the idea of having Wilman on!
who is this guy and how about james then we can really see how slow captain slow is
i can arrange jesus for a small appearance fee…
Roger Taylor from Queen
when are we gonna get LEWIS HAMILTON back?
there are alot of great ideas here:
Rowan atkinson, and ALi G (preferably as Borat)
Monty python another good idea, any of the great comedians anyway
For those who dont know who Mark Wahlberg is, his brother is Donny Wahlberg who was in that crappy boy band New Kids on the Block back in the 80’s. Mark started his career as a rapper. His group was Marky Mark and the Funky Bunch. He had one hit, then he turned to acting. He has been in a ton of decent films such as Fear, The Italian Job (remake), The Happening and Max Payne to name a few. Great Actor, lousy musician.
Matt Damon would be a good one, and so would Robin Williams.
Tiff Needell?
(Sorry to ruin your day)
HAMILTON!!!!!!
On the tone or royalty the two princes they seem to like things that go fast why not pit them against each other.
Daniel Craig (to see how good he really is)
Olga Kurylenko (mmmmmmm)
Stirling Moss (to show up the youngsters)
Osama bin Laden (to prove whether he’s dead or not)
Denis Jenkinson (ghost of)
Marky Mark was a good steer in The Italian Job. But then again that was a kitted up Mini Cooper S, and this is a Lacetti.
We need more F1 drivers- always the most entertaining! id love to see clarkson rip Alonso ( or eyebrow man) apart!
I think they should get all the LIVING james bonds including: Roger Moore, Peirs Brosnan, Daniel Craig… all the legends
and find out which one has the best skills at the wheel
try a bosnian! they are hell on wheels! am one myself!
Why not get Daniel Craig driving a blacked out Suzuki Liana around the Top Gear track pursued by the 3 musketeers (Jezza, Hamster & Cap’n Slow) in what’s left of their Tonka trucks from series 12, episode 2. Plus, for good measure, the Apache gunship from past TG series flying overhead, (armed of course), playing HGV “shoot em up”. Winner is first TG presenter / lunatic to complete 3 laps, unscathed (recreation of Quantam of Solice in Lake Garda). Losers either “retired” by getting ram raided by competing 40 tonnes of HGV (sort of demolition Derby, HGV style) or getting nuked by Apache’s weaponary. Champion gets what left of Bond’s Aston from Lake Garda chase scene in Quantum of Solace, minus drivers’ door of course.
Fern Britton. Any excuse to see the Goddess on telly!
Alan Shearer To Be On Top Gear Coz He Always Like A Challenge And Could Challenge His Good Pal Les Ferdinand
Oh. Easy.
Me.
I’ll even fly over there at my expense. Qualifications:
1- I own a whole raft of Alfas. And they are all running beautifully. (All it takes is obsessive/compulsive tendencies and a small measure of paranoia.) Including a rare prototype GTV-6 twin turbo, he said dripping with humility.
2- Besides the Alfas I have owned — not to be confused with the Alfas I currently own — I have also owned a motley array of other interesting machinery. Such as Pontiac 6000STE, Chevrolet Chevelle Malibu, Taurus SHO and Audi S4.
(I realize most of these names will draw blank stares from our Britcousins as they never crossed the pond.)
3- I have no problems with right-hand drive or manual transmissions (i.e. “stick shift”) although I have never driven a car that featured both. But hey, I’m adaptable.
4- I once had a dream where I drove on the TG track in the Lacetti — I think it’s called the Cobalt over here, but I cannot guarantee that — in 1:44.
5- I wouldn’t arrive in a helicopter.
6- I wouldn’t look as befuddled on a track as most (all?) my countrypersons have thus far.
7- I wouldn’t leave lurid voicemail messages for the elderly, in sharp contradistinction to some other previous SIARPC drivers.
8- I’m available on short notice.
9- My hair is more videogenic than the presenters’ (for a while I was worried about Hammond’s coif, but any concern has evaporated over the last few episodes).
10- I don’t mind drinking Real Ale, even given the temperature disparities.
11- My inner anorak is firmly reined in.
I trust this settles the matter.
Bruce Willis. Have him show up in an Apache helicopter to tell Clarkson he’s got unfinished business from America.
P.S. I’d even take that Dodge off Hammond’s hands. I’m not offering bribes, I’m just sayin’
How about Jason Statham? xD
I was there!!!
Axl Rose, Slash
not both at the same time mind
Defo-nitely Daniel Craig
Rowan Atkinson and/or Robin Williams would be
GREAT fun. Jay Leno would be a fair choice plus he loves Top Gear. Recall his Op Ed piece in the
Sunday Times earlier this year – How he’d never host American TG because he could not live up to the standard set by James, Richard and Jeremy.
I second Gordon Brown.
Or maybe Sarah Palin…
Oh and i’m going to see Max Paine on friday…
:D
So bring it on!!!
bring on lee ioaccoca!!!
bring on Mr. T
How about Valentino Rossi?
what about russel brand xD
I second the Valentino Rossi idea! Not only is he supposed to be pretty good in a car, he’d also be a great interview as he’s just as full of sh*t as Jeremy Clarkson and it’d be fun to see ‘em go head to head.
Is Daniel Radcliffe old enough to drive yet??? I think that interview would be quite interesting…
Isn’t ‘The Doctor’ going to be in the UK soon for the RallyGB?
Perfect for a few laps with the Stig beforethe forests of wales.
Margaret Thatcher, Dali Lama and Nelson Mandela
And a calendar to time them
How about the transporter Jason Statham?
fabulous long message from a yank about half way up, 10 points are all very good indeed
I think Rowan Atkinson would be a great choice to have in the studio. We all know that he’s a car fanatic and owns several really interesting cars…
Or:
How about Daniel Craig ?
Gary Numan, of eighties pop star fame. Whilst not being uber famous he is a true petrol head, and anyone who writes a song all about cars should be included
Put Mr. Bean on the show! Rowan Atkinson I mean. He loves cars, especially vintage ones. Maybe he could also do a lap with the 3 wheeled car that always ends up being harassed on the show haha.
Rowan Atkinson ftw! LOL.
It would be very nice to see him argue with Hammond along with Clarkson about Porsches as well. And given his reputation for wrecking cars, I really wonder what would happen to the poor Lacetti when it is trusted in his hands.
Chuck Norris period
Rebecca Loos nude ……:):)
whoever suggested Karl Pilkington is a legend… and we could fashion a helmet to be round enough, we just need some sandpaper…
The stig’s mum should do a lap……
if he has one..
mcfly….then you will have endless scope for taking the piss out of them….go for dougie…his car is atrocious…one he got from america…two its one of those stupid truck things and three it is the colour of dog sick after it’s eaten too much grass…..
also tom had a mini dunno if he still does but for ages he did.
Harry’s got alpha though so someone saves them
do itttttttttttt!
and then invite me on
‘yes i have a panda like captain slow. we are the best.’
David Coultard should go on.
After a dreadful end to his career, he could try and redeem himself by beating his team mate Webber and his fellow Brit drivers, Button and Hamilton
Prince William
How about Adam Clayton? He would be great!
Yeah Rowan Atkinson would be cool, how about Sasha Baron Cohen?
someone mentioned former topgear host and car driving legend Tiff Needell?
I reckon that’d be fun
Felipe Massa!!
Also, as for the lap time board, it’s always bothered me that there are a few notable names missing.
Perhaps Jezza, Hammond and Mr Not-So-Slow can have a little challenge….
I’m sure they’ve had the pleasure a million times off air but how do we know who’s the faster driver??
What do you think TG?
Charlize Theron would be my choice, shee looks good on telly, and appearentlly she was the best non-professional driver on thee set of The Italian Job….
How come noone knows who mark whalberg is????
He did the modern version of the italian job which i have to say was ace!!!!
i’ve not seen the old one tho, everyone says its better!!!
anyway lookin forward to it, sundays iz always the best when top gear iz on.
also thank god for Dave i love that channel.
yeh rowan atkinson would be good or robin williams or jason statham.
has anyone seen the new bond film????? iz it any good???
What about JK…. no, no, not the Potter bird but the geezer.
i really like the idea of finding out the fastest bond.
i’d also like to see dennis waterman just don’t let him sing the theme tune.
and also ex f1 drivers johnny herbert and martin brundle.
Put lewis Hamilton in the reasonably priced car, i know he was in it last year, but that was a wet lap, it would be good if he could come again, and this time a dry lap!
Lewis Collins and/or Martin Shaw.
How about Robert Mugabe? The lacetti could mysteriously explode before the final turn. Or we could have Putin driving a Volga.
Georgie Thompson from Sky Sports News. She presents the A1GP too, so presumably knows a bit about cars.
Not to mention the fact that she’s ridiculously gorgeous. Jezza would enjoy interviewing her, I’m sure!
William Shatner!!
Go on, give Andy Wilman a go!
Valentino Rossi would be rad! Too bad (I guess) he’s not an extraordinary english speaker…
Andy Wilman
P.S my son is unavailable
Nick @ #65.
For that wholly unsolicited vote of confidence, I’ll buy you a pint or three should I be chosen. Or your potable of choice, as I am not fussy in these matters.
The legend that is The Hoff!
He’s got hair like JC as well.
How about Johnny Rotten ? – Jeremy could ask him about his **** butter sread commercials!
“The legend that is The Hoff!
He’s got hair like JC as well.”
Yes, on his gonads
Meanwhile, has anyone else noticed that certain comedic talents have the same initials as God’s son? We should get Jeremy Clarkson, Jimmy Carr, John Cleese & Julian Clary to have a race-off in the reasonably-priced car.
The winner would get their wish granted by Jesus Christ himself. Jezza could have Kristen Scott-Thomas for the night; Jimmy Carr could get a new laugh (have you HEARD him on 8 Out of 10 Cats?); John Cleese could be exonerated for the funniest film of all time, ‘The Life of Brian’; but I dread to think what Julian Clary would request from the Messiah should he win.
In light of Jezza’s recent comment about lorry drivers, I would hate to offend anyone further by suggesting Mr Clary might request a BJ from the Holy One.
So I won’t…
I thought Steven Hawking proved that God does not exist…By the way Steven Hawking would be funny..
Vettel or Couthard please !!!!
Jodie Kidd would be good. She was awsome last time we could see how she does aginst J K and where her loyalties lie now shes on strictly
I bet Simon Cowell is begging to come on. thou doubt jezz wud agree to that!
I’d like to see the three boys, Jeremy Richard and James post a time on the board just to see how fast/slow they would be as a comparision to the other celebs.
John Cleese!
LEWIS HAMILTON
I think some sexy actress should come like Jessica Alba. That would be the best star in the reasonably priced car. Who agrees?
RONWAN ATKINSON he owns a mclaren
Who would be good on Top Gear? Well, Princes William and Harry would be a good choice. But that depends on whether they’re available. The whole cast of ‘Friends’, maybe? Jonathan Ross? No, he’d get killed. Russell Brand? Same. Ooh, Andrew Sachs? John Cleese? That would be good. John Cleese as Basil Fawlty and Andrew Sachs as Manuel. I can imagine Jezza right now getting irritated by Manuel’s broken English. Who else? Erm… Dara O’Briain of Mock The Week Fame? The list goes on…
Heidi Klum in a bikini…come on you know she will do it!
If you guys want the ultimate American car guy, then you need Jay Leno on the show……
What about Chris Barrie?!?! (Red Dwarf, Brittas Empire)
He’s a big car nut!!!
what about some of the great drivers like Sterling Moss, the “famous-scottish-woman” Jackie Stewart – either would make for great interview.
In earlier series I really wanted Colin McRae (RIP) to do a lap – especially, who would be faster – an F1 or pro rally driver?
How about Leona Lewis or the devil himself Ken Livingstone, or even Tony Blair, as for racing drivers how about Coulthard or Lewis’ team mate, or Kimi Raikkonen, Mikka Hakkinen etc
Ronald McDonald Vs The Wimpy beefeater in two separate cars, each with greasy mayo on the steering wheel & five ear old chips in the gap by the seat.
Martin Shaw with Lewis Collins – that’s what it’s all about
“I’ll be back”
The ultimate yank Jay Leno?
Have you not heard of Carroll Shelby???
Jay might ‘talk the talk’, but Carroll most definately ‘walks the walk’!
Some say…he wees petrol…
I’d like to see Lewis’s dad have a go.
And Martin Brundle, with Murray on the mike, then they could swap:)
Ben Collins?
Failing that, Hakkinen!
Going with F1, what about DC or Alonso.
Johnson Beharry VC?
Johnny Depp and Hammond would have to do the interview just because this would be my viewing heaven and no relevence for anyone else!
“wilhelm said… Ben Collins?”
Ah but the Stig has to teach the SIARPC the course. Which would lead to some tears in the fabric of spacetime and we’d all be sucked into the Hadron collider.
How about Murray Walker?
A few of you has already mentioned him, and I too would like to see Jason Statham on the show. And Gary Oldman!
I agree on Gary Oldman!
boris johnson,wayne rooney and russel brand would make good guests!
or the queen or prince charles
or fith gear vs top gear
colin farel start the country board going
mick Hucnall from simply red would be good he’s in the UK in december playing at the O2
Boris would be epic.
I love love to see Coulthard in the the moderately priced car. Given his track record he’d destroy……
The CAR!!
Rowan Atkinson would be fun….but he’d probably wreck the car as well.
Lindsay Lohan… no that’s not good either
Nick Hogan…He’s more famous far being a bad driver.
Nicole Richie…does driveing the wrong way count?…
Just give us Hamilton, at least thecar would be intact at the end
Put Schumi in the reasonably priced car…or maybe mika haikkinen or maybe massa or raikkonnen…it will be great!!:D
give us some footage.No excitement in type, just frustration, and we get enough of that on Sydney roads.
BILL ODDIE!!!
Barack Obama?
Honestly, Schuhmacher would make a great guest. Perhaps not interview-wise, but he would really be the guy for the track, obviously. The Wahlberg was ok, but a bit too agressive, perhaps a little bit like a from-the-hood version of jeremy.
I heard that after Harry Enfield they’ve got some bloke from Grand Designs? Come on guys!! Pull your socks up! Nobody cares about him!! Keep up with the great guests…. don’t slack mid series!!!