TG Live: Day Eight

The producers of Top Gear love to give the presenters a challenge, and the show in New Zealand was no different. A luminous green Ultima GTR rumbled into the show at the end of the Cool Wall, and Greg Murphy was challenged by Jezza to beat the urban speed limit of 50kph indoors.

The Ultima has held the 0-100-0 world record for years, completed in a staggering 9.3seconds at some wind swept airfield in the middle of nowhere. Our green monster puts out 750bhp, weighs under a ton, and Murph was confident he could get above 50kph within our concrete lined arena.

Hammond’s big question was whether he could slow again before the said concrete stopped him permanently.

The Mole watched Murph refuse to have a cone or mark set down where he should start braking, arguing instead that he’d just ‘give it a go’. Under the pensive gaze of 4,000 audience members and with Hammond ready with the speed gun at the other end of the arena, Greg strapped himself into the idling Ultima GTR.

The Mole must admit he did nibble a small amount of nail as Murph dumped the clutch and dragged two huge black lines across the floor. After an unfeasibly long time (and what sounded like a million revs) Greg locked up all four wheels and slid to a halt inches from the waiting concrete wall, punctuated with a giant blue fireball out of the back of the car.

Hammond showed the rear of the speed gun to the waiting camera, and the crowed went wild. Murph had achieved 68kph inside our dark arena, and successfully smashed the urban limit, and was in fact charging on to the highway limit before the fear of imminent death took hold of his right foot.

It took a moment to realise something was wrong, as the shadow of the Ultima started to lengthen and darken. A huge gout of black smoke bellowed from the Ultima’s roof vent, and suddenly Jeremy was laughing uncontrollably. The audience had been told that it was Top Gear, but Live, and that’s what they got, as the realisation dawned on the crew and audience that the Ultima had spat all of its engine oil out as it left the line, and run a huge black slippery lake all the way across the arena to the ever widening pool under the car.

All stage hands swarmed the area with bags of sawdust and brushes in a desperate attempt to clear the dangerous slick before any more car stunt sequences graced the floor. The presenters went straight into the Top Gear Lap, which bought some time, and finally the floor looked passable (at least from a distance) to The Mole. The remaining three driving sequences in the show were definitely more exciting as result, but The Mole doesn’t think anyone will attempt to break that record in the Ultima again.

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