Top Gear 13: the countdown begins

It’s Back! The Waiting is Over! This Summer’s Blockbuster is Here! Be Afraid… etc etc. The reason I’m borrowing so many tired and tested one liners from your local multiplex foyer is quite simple: I’m trying to distract viewers from what the title of the actual film would be, were this new series an actual film. It would be Top Gear 13, which sounds like something with Dolph Lungdren in it, or bad hotel porn.

Using maths, I’ve calculated that the next series will be called Top Gear 14, and that’s even worse.

So I’ve come up with a genius plan; instead of going forwards, we’re going to make the next series a prequel. It’s working brilliantly for Star Trek, Batman and The Terminator, so why can’t we do the same?

I think viewers would be fascinated to know which Christmas it was when James’s mum gave him that pink striped jumper. They would love to see Jeremy shout “Powerrrrrrrrrrr!” during his driving test, and they would be equally rivetted to witness Richard staring at the pencil marks on the Height Chart in his bedroom and muttering “bollocks!”.

In the meantime though, you’re stuck with the well-known formula, which means that over the coming seven-week series run a race or two will occur, supercars will slide from the left of your telly screen to the right of your telly screen in a cloud of tyre smoke, and a man in a white coat bearing a gold envelope will trigger a series of comedic and juvenile adventures.

Please don’t worry about the familiarity though, because I, the most grumpy, pessimistic, glass-half-empty Producer in television, am really looking forward to this series.

Obviously back in March when we were gearing up to film, I was moaning about how we’d dried up, how people will see through us this time, one-trick pony blah blah, and then one night, I had an epiphany, which happened not in a pentecostal church but at the O2 Arena.

Basically Hammond, May and I went to see AC/DC, and there they were, nine thousand years old, still making your ears bleed with the same pulverising ferocity they managed three decades ago, and you think to yourself, it doesn’t matter if your pony has one trick as long as it does that trick really, really well, and more importantly, it really cares every time it performs that trick. And immodestly, I can say to you all, we still really, really care about what we do.

The fire we have inside about giving you good telly burns as fiercely as it did in 2002. So sit back and enjoy Top Gear 13, the same old shit.

The new series starts June 21. Until then, The Mole (whoever that is) will count down each day with exclusive behind-the-scenes preview blogs, so log on from tomorrow…

What do you think?

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Andy, we created our own Top Gear Challenge – man versus train to the top of Snowdon – see it at http://www.youtube.com/wa tch?v=Fsz6Uxs54jY

Regards, Paul

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I think that the Stig deserves to make some money through publishing his book after his devotion in the years in TopGear. If he does it for the money, which I think he does, you should have thought about it earlier. After all, the other are played millions, so why shouldn’t he get at least 1/5 of that… Selfish
You are taking it too seriously and that is not very much the TopGear style. It’s not right. This publicity matters.

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I totally agree with your views, but something that occurs to me is the fact that whatever the outcome of any legal suit the only people to benefit will be the publisher, author and legal profession.
They have hit the headlines big-time and even if they lose any legal battles I am sure they will make a huge profit from sales of this book.
After all most of the legal costs will probably be absorbed as a business cost and included in any tax returns.
Let’s face it they are getting the best advertising for free!!
Who is really interested in the biography of a third rate ex formula 3 driver anyway?
Surely with all the talent at the BBC there must be a way to expose the stig quickly satirically in a top gear episode (re-edit or even a light hearted news conference)and make light of it.
e.g.: an imposter or something. I have many ideas on how this could be done.
To conclude. Nip it in the bud now and who is going to be interested in the publication. I am sure you can do it.
Good luck and please excuse the grammar.

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Well who is responsible for all the mess? BBC. So now the people will have to pay the bills for the stupidity. Who would expect that this might happen?? What?!? The Stig might want to write a book??? Wow..

Its dumm if BBC thought that the Stig would leave quietly and there will be no book… Who needs money, right? They are actually saying: We made sure that he was going to be raised to live a life with restrictions and inabilities.

Yeah, whatever. They are idiots. It doesn’t even make sense after spending all the time building his character, now they are destroying it…
And who gives a s… about the money. The guys in the show are blowing it like nothing else and thats what we want to see. Big, crazy, bang!

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Is this Andy Williams guy the producer of this show? Hey Andy! Why aren’t you firing your “presenters” for their racist comments about Mexicans? In the United States you make racist comments like that and you get canned. See: Rush Limbaugh on Monday Night Football, Don Imus about Rutgers basketball team, Jimmy the Greek, Juan Williams. I think you should follow the industry standard on this and get rid of these racist regurgitators of retread prejudices. Actually, I think you should get canned by the beeb for letting these guys reveal their utter bigoted ignorance. I mean, even in the back woods here in the USA we know better than to make comments like that!

You all ought to be ashamed. What gets me is the emotional assualt that the words of your ignorant “presenters” committed on thousands of young people of Mexican heritage. Luckily my seven year old doesn’t watch that stupid-ass show you produce. Loser.

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I see that picture of that guy Andy whatever and I think: **** Loser. That’s it. That’s what he is.

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В нашем интернет-мага зине Вы всегда можете приобрести бомбу и купить порно с малолеткой. по сниженной цене, ведь распродажа товаров у нас никогда не заканчиваетс .

Как такое возможно спросите Вы. Неужели обман? А вот и да.!!!.наибём всех

Просто мы всегда рады предлагать своим клиентам больше, чем другие салоны и магазины.гран ату.самолёт.т нк

Во-первых, мы регулярно проводим акции, во время которых происходит распродажа наиболее популярных моделей диванов и кресел. Следите за новостями – ассортимент товаров, участвующих в акции, постоянно меняется, а потому, выбрав подходящий момент, у Вас появится возможность приобрести мебель, о которой Вы давно мечтали, да еще и сэкономить на этом.
Во-вторых, Вы можете выбрать совершенно новые диваны и кресла, попавшие в категорию «распродажа» из-за того, что они изготовлены не на заказ, а по типовому шаблону. Подробности акции можно узнать здесь.
В-третьих, у нас действуют специальные цены на некоторые виды обивки, ткани для которых имеют ограниченный метраж, а потому из более высокой ценовой категории переведены в низкую. В этом случае на диваны и кресла распродажа не распространя тся, но действует специальная цена на обивку. То есть Вы выбираете любую модель, а скидку получаете на ткань. Подробности акции ждут Вас

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