It’s Back! The Waiting is Over! This Summer’s Blockbuster is Here! Be Afraid… etc etc. The reason I’m borrowing so many tired and tested one liners from your local multiplex foyer is quite simple: I’m trying to distract viewers from what the title of the actual film would be, were this new series an actual film. It would be Top Gear 13, which sounds like something with Dolph Lungdren in it, or bad hotel porn.
Using maths, I’ve calculated that the next series will be called Top Gear 14, and that’s even worse.
So I’ve come up with a genius plan; instead of going forwards, we’re going to make the next series a prequel. It’s working brilliantly for Star Trek, Batman and The Terminator, so why can’t we do the same?
I think viewers would be fascinated to know which Christmas it was when James’s mum gave him that pink striped jumper. They would love to see Jeremy shout “Powerrrrrrrrrrr!” during his driving test, and they would be equally rivetted to witness Richard staring at the pencil marks on the Height Chart in his bedroom and muttering “bollocks!”.
In the meantime though, you’re stuck with the well-known formula, which means that over the coming seven-week series run a race or two will occur, supercars will slide from the left of your telly screen to the right of your telly screen in a cloud of tyre smoke, and a man in a white coat bearing a gold envelope will trigger a series of comedic and juvenile adventures.
Please don’t worry about the familiarity though, because I, the most grumpy, pessimistic, glass-half-empty Producer in television, am really looking forward to this series.
Obviously back in March when we were gearing up to film, I was moaning about how we’d dried up, how people will see through us this time, one-trick pony blah blah, and then one night, I had an epiphany, which happened not in a pentecostal church but at the O2 Arena.
Basically Hammond, May and I went to see AC/DC, and there they were, nine thousand years old, still making your ears bleed with the same pulverising ferocity they managed three decades ago, and you think to yourself, it doesn’t matter if your pony has one trick as long as it does that trick really, really well, and more importantly, it really cares every time it performs that trick. And immodestly, I can say to you all, we still really, really care about what we do.
The fire we have inside about giving you good telly burns as fiercely as it did in 2002. So sit back and enjoy Top Gear 13, the same old shit.
The new series starts June 21. Until then, The Mole (whoever that is) will count down each day with exclusive behind-the-scenes preview blogs, so log on from tomorrow…
Open Car Bar
What do you think?
Rose commented on this article
Wednesday June 17, 2009 at 9:37 am
the same old shit
)))
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King.Paul commented on this article
Friday June 19, 2009 at 12:26 pm
YES!!! finally 2 days to go…
i live in Australia and top gear Australia is freakin shit…
cant wait for the real TOP GEAR:)
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ggstarling commented on this article
Saturday June 20, 2009 at 9:53 pm
Hello all!
This morning I have found a very funny video about the office plankton everyday life.
I recommend this for all to pitch up your mood.
I helped))
You can watch this toon <a href=http://www.youtube.c om/watch?v=ZcmPOwpL9HI
here
Dont be sad – be happy))
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MacDawn commented on this article
Wednesday June 24, 2009 at 8:58 pm
It is with a huge sigh of relief I read your article and watch the first episode of the ‘prequel’ Top Gear.
I was so afirad that, in the name of change, you would try to change something that had been so amazing good. I mean, what’s wrong with three men falling over themselves trying to do something really, really stupid, while looking like they are really serious about it?
And what’s wrong with talking about those insanely expensive cars that can’t be legally maxed out (well, maybe only on the autobahns)?
You can’t even begin to comprehen the looks of amazement/admiration I get when I start discussing about the Zonda and the Koenigsegg with my guys friends. They thought Ferrari and Lamborghini were the final word in supercars…
I love everything about Top Gear, the presenters, Stiggy, the supercars and the not so supercars, and best of all, all those crazy challenges the guys gamely put themselves thru. I mean, which other show would show the presenters driving through a brick wall, just for the fun of it?
(PS: How much did you bribe the Health and Safety guy to look away before you did that?)
Keep up the great work, Andy. Don’t change a thing, ever. Please!
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Nathan commented on this article
Monday June 29, 2009 at 8:34 pm
The series is going great so far! Keep it up!
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SnakeEater commented on this article
Tuesday June 30, 2009 at 8:42 am
i can watch top 24/7 !!!!
keep up the great work!
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F1 Driver Sam Sparks commented on this article
Wednesday July 1, 2009 at 10:06 am
This Top Gear Series will be a good one that I think is true what the ladds will do next is unsure to many people but I know there is skiing in cars, a race involving a letter and a car and there was the race with train car and motorbike heres to the next series as well
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ricky w commented on this article
Thursday July 2, 2009 at 1:34 am
test the ss ultimate aero tt!!!
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KATIE 14 commented on this article
Saturday July 4, 2009 at 4:08 pm
THERE IS ANOTHER NEW SERIES COMING THIS SUNDAY SO I CANT WAIT YEAH FOR THIS SUNDAYS SHOW YEAH.
YEEHOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO.
FROM KATIE14
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Samanthabasssjunky commented on this article
Monday July 20, 2009 at 7:30 pm
I was trying to find a way to email Andy Wilman about the possibility of TOP GEAR…THE MOVIE! after posting it as my facebook status and getting everyone over excited. So anyone wana join my TOP GEAR…THE MOVIE! petition page on facebook? Worth a shot…
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Swedish fan commented on this article
Thursday August 6, 2009 at 12:06 pm
Top gear is the tv show with a capital t.
So far, nothing I’ve seen has matched the quality of it. Thumbs up, guys, I suppose I’ve got to hold myself togeather until they start broadcasting it in Sweden, which will be a month or a half after the premier in England:)
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powerrr!!! lol commented on this article
Thursday August 13, 2009 at 9:54 pm
ive been away this weekend can any1 tell when i can c series 13 episode 8? please ive looked all over the internet and they sould get a car at a buget and spend the money on a car but then after they send the money tell them they hav 2 make it bullet proof and then they get some of the amy in 2 shoot at the cars
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Paul commented on this article
Monday September 14, 2009 at 11:37 am
Andy, we created our own Top Gear Challenge – man versus train to the top of Snowdon – see it at http://www.youtube.com/wa tch?v=Fsz6Uxs54jY
Regards, Paul
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Stig commented on this article
Tuesday August 31, 2010 at 6:43 pm
I think that the Stig deserves to make some money through publishing his book after his devotion in the years in TopGear. If he does it for the money, which I think he does, you should have thought about it earlier. After all, the other are played millions, so why shouldn’t he get at least 1/5 of that… Selfish
You are taking it too seriously and that is not very much the TopGear style. It’s not right. This publicity matters.
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Smudger395 commented on this article
Wednesday September 1, 2010 at 11:14 pm
I totally agree with your views, but something that occurs to me is the fact that whatever the outcome of any legal suit the only people to benefit will be the publisher, author and legal profession.
They have hit the headlines big-time and even if they lose any legal battles I am sure they will make a huge profit from sales of this book.
After all most of the legal costs will probably be absorbed as a business cost and included in any tax returns.
Let’s face it they are getting the best advertising for free!!
Who is really interested in the biography of a third rate ex formula 3 driver anyway?
Surely with all the talent at the BBC there must be a way to expose the stig quickly satirically in a top gear episode (re-edit or even a light hearted news conference)and make light of it.
e.g.: an imposter or something. I have many ideas on how this could be done.
To conclude. Nip it in the bud now and who is going to be interested in the publication. I am sure you can do it.
Good luck and please excuse the grammar.
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Stig commented on this article
Wednesday September 1, 2010 at 11:50 pm
Well who is responsible for all the mess? BBC. So now the people will have to pay the bills for the stupidity. Who would expect that this might happen?? What?!? The Stig might want to write a book??? Wow..
Its dumm if BBC thought that the Stig would leave quietly and there will be no book… Who needs money, right? They are actually saying: We made sure that he was going to be raised to live a life with restrictions and inabilities.
Yeah, whatever. They are idiots. It doesn’t even make sense after spending all the time building his character, now they are destroying it…
And who gives a s… about the money. The guys in the show are blowing it like nothing else and thats what we want to see. Big, crazy, bang!
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grrog commented on this article
Thursday February 3, 2011 at 5:20 am
Is this Andy Williams guy the producer of this show? Hey Andy! Why aren’t you firing your “presenters” for their racist comments about Mexicans? In the United States you make racist comments like that and you get canned. See: Rush Limbaugh on Monday Night Football, Don Imus about Rutgers basketball team, Jimmy the Greek, Juan Williams. I think you should follow the industry standard on this and get rid of these racist regurgitators of retread prejudices. Actually, I think you should get canned by the beeb for letting these guys reveal their utter bigoted ignorance. I mean, even in the back woods here in the USA we know better than to make comments like that!
You all ought to be ashamed. What gets me is the emotional assualt that the words of your ignorant “presenters” committed on thousands of young people of Mexican heritage. Luckily my seven year old doesn’t watch that stupid-ass show you produce. Loser.
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grrog commented on this article
Thursday February 3, 2011 at 5:21 am
I see that picture of that guy Andy whatever and I think: **** Loser. That’s it. That’s what he is.
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Bulpsysfuff commented on this article
Wednesday January 18, 2012 at 4:57 pm
В нашем интернет-мага зине Вы всегда можете приобрести бомбу и купить порно с малолеткой. по сниженной цене, ведь распродажа товаров у нас никогда не заканчиваетс .
Как такое возможно спросите Вы. Неужели обман? А вот и да.!!!.наибём всех
Просто мы всегда рады предлагать своим клиентам больше, чем другие салоны и магазины.гран ату.самолёт.т нк
Во-первых, мы регулярно проводим акции, во время которых происходит распродажа наиболее популярных моделей диванов и кресел. Следите за новостями – ассортимент товаров, участвующих в акции, постоянно меняется, а потому, выбрав подходящий момент, у Вас появится возможность приобрести мебель, о которой Вы давно мечтали, да еще и сэкономить на этом.
Во-вторых, Вы можете выбрать совершенно новые диваны и кресла, попавшие в категорию «распродажа» из-за того, что они изготовлены не на заказ, а по типовому шаблону. Подробности акции можно узнать здесь.
В-третьих, у нас действуют специальные цены на некоторые виды обивки, ткани для которых имеют ограниченный метраж, а потому из более высокой ценовой категории переведены в низкую. В этом случае на диваны и кресла распродажа не распространя тся, но действует специальная цена на обивку. То есть Вы выбираете любую модель, а скидку получаете на ткань. Подробности акции ждут Вас
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