Series 15: one of our tables is missing

I’m sorry to report that a crisis hit yesterday’s TopGear studio recording.

During summer series, the presenters decamp to the lawn outside the production office to perform their morning read-through of the script while enjoying the sunshine and a fine view of the Stig hammering around the track in one of that week’s featured cars.

Obviously, while doing this Jeremy, Richard and James need somewhere to rest their scripts, cups of tea and – where applicable – bags of crisps. For countless summers past, that handy resting place has been The Spitfire Table, so named because sitting in balmy sunshine next to an airfield in southern England reminded Jeremy of being an RAF pilot awaiting orders to repel the Luftwaffe during the Second World War.

The weather for our first recording of the new series was glorious and everyone immediately decided it was too nice to run through the script indoors. But there was a problem. The Spitfire Table had GONE MISSING.

Every corner of the office was searched, every room in the studio investigated, yet still it could not be found. We fear someone may have nicked it.

So, if you see a large, round, wooden garden table with no especially noteworthy features but an awful lot of sentimental significance to three silly men off the telly, do please get in touch.

Apart from the loss of The Spitfire Table, everything went rather well at the studio yesterday. The studio links were vaguely comprehensible, the VTs played well with the audience, the news wasn’t accidentally conducted in Welsh without anyone noticing until all the cameras had been dismantled and it was too late to do it again.

Highlight of the show is still Jeremy’s epic journey in a Reliant Robin, but I probably ought to give honourable mention to the other content, too:

The Bentley Continental Supersports track test kicks off the show with an interesting verdict and a truly remarkable Stig lap.

James discovers how close you can get a car to that unspellable Icelandic volcano that subsequently shut down Europe’s airspace, something James strenuously denies was his fault.

The news makes a noble attempt to be sensible, but accidentally features several things best described as ‘childish’.

The death of the old Reasonably Priced Car is rather touching, while the reveal of the top secret new one attracted a round of applause in the studio. Oh, and the all-star celebrity barbecue extravaganza-thon is worth it just to see Richard’s wide-eyed dealings with that hyperactive man from Pineapple Dance Studios.

So there we go. Just two days until TopGear is back on the TV. And just five days until we give up all hope and send someone out to buy a new garden table.

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