James: ‘Why I hate the Top Gear US presenters’

This weekend sees the final show of the first 10 episode run of Top Gear US, and to mark the occasion James has paid tribute in his weekly Telegraph column.

And one must look past the headline. In his regular spot, he laid forth his theory on why Top Gear US will, one day, take over the world. It’s all in the names…

You can read the full column on the Telegraph website here, but here are just two of our highlights:

‘Ultimately, though, I believe they will vanquish us and stand on our mutilated corpses, holding Clarkson’s severed head aloft like Perseus triumphing over Medusa, and all because they have the right names.

‘We begin with professional racing driver Tanner Foust. Not only has he apparently emerged from the pages of Goethe, he actually sounds like he’s giving the car a thrashing.

‘I can just see myself, hampered with the name James May, trying to charm someone at a ball-aching media function when this snake-hipped b—–d shimmies up and says: “Hi, Tanner Foust, racing driver.”’

And on Rutledge Wood, he opines:

‘And we have Rutledge Wood, who is some sort of automotive analyst. He has a beard, he’s been seen in lumberjack shirts, he has nerdy specs, he’s from Alabama and he might even be a bit chubby. I’ve read him described as “bookish”.

‘And well he might be. In Britain, Rutledge Wood is probably a place where you should be careful not to step on any spent condoms, but over there he sounds more like the author of the Great American Novel, soon to be serialised in the mornings on Radio 4.’

An interesting take on events, and one we feel deserves a full debate below.

But back in the real word, Top Gear US wraps up this weekend at the usual time of 9/10c on Sunday on the History Channel. In the final show the guys look back at their highlights of the last nine weeks.

We really hope you’ve enjoyed it, American brothers, and remember you can catch up with previous episodes and some outtakes on the History Channel website (US only for now, we’re afraid).

Let us know your thoughts on the series as always below, and we’ll keep you up to date on all TopGear US news right here on TopGear.com

Comments are now closed